Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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