he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
