sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
