the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
