the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
