Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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