sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
