come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
