Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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