i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
