Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
