well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
