Its about making memories worth repressing
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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