# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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