We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
