every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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