If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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