well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Never underestimate the power of titties
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
