Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
