wanna go halves on a baby?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
