You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
