No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
