How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
