I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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