Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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