its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
