I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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