I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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