No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
