I faked an abortion last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
