she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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