Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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