i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
