yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
