hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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