Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
