you mean i was at the winter classic?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
