Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So apparently I’m into choking now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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