There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
