she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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