from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
