very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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