Have you finally orgasmed yet?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
