Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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