The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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