Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
