Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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