If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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