Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
