I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
