I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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