Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
