my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
