her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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