i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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