so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
