Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
