you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
