whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
